Numb

Is it so bad to say... to say that I don't have any feelings towards Indo's heart attack?

I feel bad for not feeling bad about it.

That has to count for something. I wish I felt remorseful, noting that some kind of divine intervention must have sent this as a sign. OR his history of heart disease has come back to haunt him.

I'm still searching for any drop of pity that I could offer as a consolation. I want to care but I don't... I've been telling him that he needed medical intervention for a while now, since he began to feel numbness in his extremities but he didn't listen. The numbness and shortness of breath were premonitions for his fate. He still didn't listen. When the big storm actually happened, I was too tired to care. A part of me even wanted to say "I TOLD YOU SO."

Even worse, the relationship has been in rough patches for a while and I just began spending time with my ex to seek the attention that I'm not getting. This is the worse time to break things off. I've been putting a band aid on the knicks and scratches but they don't seem to be healing at all.

He needs me right now. I wish I needed him too.