Chef- (checking the refrigerator for ingredients) Angela, do you need anything else for prep? Carrots? Lettuce? Mushrooms? Attention?
Me- I love that little boy. He's so cute.
Scallops- Everytime I'm at their house, he always sits on my lap like I'm a priest.
Me- I wanted to carry the little boy.
Scallops- That little fucker is heavy as shit. He's on a diet. One time he slammed the door while saying, "There ain't nothin to eat around here!!!!!"
Me- Hi guys, are you guys ready for drinks?
Party of 6 mexicans- ¿el té está caliente? ¿Qué tienen ellos?
Me- (Still waiting...) Yes the tea is hot and we have coke products.
Woman- Oooooh you speak spanish?
Me- No. I just understand because my boyfriend's mexican
Man- I know who your boyfriend is
Me- Which one?
---FUCK.
(Singing happy birthday to an 8 year old boy)
Me- Ok, now make a wish and blow your candles!
Boy- I wish I was a good boy and I wish I'm little again!
(blows a spray of spit on the cake)
Mom- Now who wants cake?!!!
Mexican Chef- So you should be my second girlfriend.
Me- You don't want me. I'm already having a hard time with two men because I'm fucking selfish.
Mexican Chef- It's ok. I have a Prince Albert. So is that a yes?
(5:00AM and Danielle babbling on the phone)
Me- Danielle, I'm sleepy. I have to work the next day.
Danielle- Well, I'm sorry that you have to be responsible... soo I was saying...
Me- (On imeem browsing music) What the fuck does it take for a girl to get some DO OR DIE around here?!!
Danielle- You have to get past the NB RIDAZ and it should lead you there.
My mom- She's really pretty... She's half
Me- Half what? Dog?
THE FUCKING END!
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